This poem first appeared in my English translation on ArabLit, April 24, 2023
O dreary path!
O path of love!
I will count my steps,
Loneliness taught me to count.
***
My mother carried me one day, and you
Dropped me one day.
That twinkle in your eyes, sometimes strobing, sometimes faint.
I will count my steps,
Loneliness taught me to count.
***
The guard was vigilant
Two treacherous eyes, and binoculars.
I hurried before my foot stepped amiss
Before nightfall, alone
I will count my steps,
Loneliness taught me to count.
***
Going back, someone held my hand.
Behind his eyes, I hid:
Here’s warmth, and shelter.
I will count my steps,
Loneliness taught me to count.
***
My fearful heart was broken
But I kept it
And was always stronger than my memory
So that I wouldn’t forget
To count to ten.
And when you held me with the tenderness of a penguin
My heart stuttered
I said: One—
Looked in your eyes, lost my way, and said:
Two, ten…
Feb 19, 1976
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Ibtihal Rida Mahmood is a translator, essayist, and poet. She’s the translator and co-editor of Snow in Amman: An Anthology of Short Stories from Jordan (2015) and The Impossible Revolution: Making Sense of the Syrian Tragedy (2017) by Yassin al-Haj Saleh. Her work has appeared in online magazines including The Markaz Review, The New Internationalist, Qantara, The Seattle Globalist, and Women Writers, Women’s Books. Her original poetry and translations have been featured in several anthologies, among them The Art of Being Human (ed. Daniela Voicu, 2013), Premio Mondiale di Poesia Nosside (ed. Pasquale Amato, 2014), and Versus Versus: 100 Poems by Deaf, Disabled & Neurodivergent Poets (ed. Rachael Boast, 2025). She’s also a contributing editor at ArabLit, a non-profit, crowd-funded collective and digital platform dedicated to Arabic literature in translation.